To Many Dicks On The Dance Floor

[insert club music]

I went to this club where I met Merv the perv and his best friend Chester the molester. They both kick started the night with some appletinis and ecstasy…they got real handsy with me. They made me look like I was smuggling peanuts underneath my pants. The bartender took a lusty look at my thunder down under and yelled, “Hey the beer nuts are for the bar only!” Then his fist met my face with great powerful force; this only made my situation down below even worse seeing how I’m a masochist for pain. Then I bent over in front of the bartender and screamed at him, “HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!” Instead of doing the dirty deed, he started to play Pat Benetar on the jukebox. Some Asians came out of nowhere in trekkie suits and assless chaps with cardboard and started to break dance. I wanted to attack their yellowing buns but I saw my ex lover instead by the unisex bathroom; he’s such a saucy witch. I met Julio and the milkman at the fancy urinals…they pinned me down over the sink. Only the running water and flushing of the toilets could silence my screams. My ass was so tender that I had to use a seat dounut on the taxi ride home. Sadly, I couldn’t find my keys so I slept on the porch like a porch monkey.

Tales of the tainted wood.

As I crawled out of bed all naturally, I felt a draft. It made me giggle as it reminded me of the time Julio and his wet sperpent traveled into my deep dark moist cave filled with cobwebs. Sadly, I haven’t been active in that department for several years. As Julio’s serpent made its way into my “moist cave”, I felt the heat rush into my breast and tingle as I watched Julio swung his hips in an awkward motion. He has a good body and good hips; he might last 50 years with me over the counter top table of my kitchen of course. *wink* He would pound me the same way I would pound meat for hamburgers. It was also just as tasty! Even our buns were toasted from all the hot oven lovin'.

Sadly three weeks later, I caught Julio with the milk man. I should have suspected something when he never left jizz juice on my chest. I would have been more pissed off but they allowed me to film their time together. Now I have $300 from selling the videos on the web. I invested that money into S&M clothing - I love my brand spankin' new PVC suit. I shave myself in the summer so the suit sticks real good. Julio would shave too. He would leave his huevo splash all over my sink. At first I saw chin hair, but it was rather long to be facial hair that’s when I started questioning Julio’s sexuality.

Later that month I went to a loofah convention, that’s where I met Fran. She was a butchy as can be but I loved everything about her starting from her fake drawn on moustache to her Turkish musk that would radiate from her pits in the summer. She told me she was a man and she whipped out whipped cream and strawberries. To my surprise I had myself a banana split, and yes I didn’t even need a real banana. Thanks Fran, you doll.

Natasha Yurp

Hello dear lay a’bouts and pixie stick sniffers.We all touch ourselves in many ways, however it be emotionally, or even….physically, I am not afraid to say it how it is. If you suck, I will remind you that you suck like a hooker on all fours. I have a messed up mind of a nymphomaniac partially due to my exposure to catholic school (with the uniform with the skirts and stuff). Life was not always easy on the streets I had to fight for a slice of bread, and a can of corn. The only weapon I had to defend myself was a rusty spork, that had seen to many battles. There was even a time I was invited to a joust. To my surprise we had no horses we had motorcycles and we used machetes instead of lances, I almost lost my arm.

Greetings Fellow Fappers

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